This is bad and wrong and has to stop. We both know it but I get this feeling that we don't want to do anything about it. I know I don't, not really. I have feelings of guilt, sometimes so bad that I really hate myself, but I don't want to give it up.

Do you?

Sigh, I don't really see how this will get resolved.
I should just find someone else and move on, though it's painful for both of us.

It's a mess, yes, a big one, true.

But a beautiful mess indeed.