in less than a month my age will consist of a 2 and a 0.

I miss my planter pot of pansies that used to sit outside the breakfast alcove window, by the pool.

Sometimes fragments of memories from the past pop into my head and I miss being a kid in melb. so terribly much.

I guess it's cause I feel old. School's ending soon, and there are so many changes up ahead.

I don't want to think abut it but inevitably, everything will change. I'm scared of growing apart, of losing touch, of things not working out how I want them to.

I'm so goddamn scared of what might happen.

I really am.

i wish i could tell you...

my heart still jumps when i see you
i still miss you whenever you're not around
i always want to improve myself for you
i think you're the cutest ever and
i want to spend every moment i can with you.



you know what? maybe i will.

I don't know who reads this anymore and I don't know if I care. I barely post anymore anyway. Lately I don't feel like writing much, nor saying much. But sometimes keeping it bottled up is a bit too much to take.

I'd say I wish I could talk to someone about it, but I don't even know what to say, or how to phrase things.

I suppose for me life's pretty good, I'd even go so far as to say it was very good.

But sometimes I wonder if I've made the right choices.

One Nation Under Lee

random rant.

Facebook sucks, it keeps showing me that practically everyone else has a life other than me. But oh well. I need the money and Julius is working too and I don't have much of a life anyway. Whatever. I'm hungry and bored and lazy and I don't want to work anymore. No more no more no more. I want to spend whole days lazing around with Jules doing practically nothing.

grr

I still can't believe I missed Jebediah. BLERRRHHH -kicks self in head-

JEBEDIAH WERE HERE FOR BAYBEATS AND I DIDN'T KNOW AND HENCE DIDN'T GO.


WHY.


FUCK.

Baybeats happened this weekend and I didn't go. I could have passed my time there last night, but I clean forgot about it and never mind, I found one of Jeremy Clarkson's books in the Central Library, so all was not lost.

I have to be a Clementi at 6:40AM tomorrow morning to meet my cameraman. WHYOHWHY (I know why - this is a totally stupid story and I'm the intern, and it's my first assignment.)

But still. WHYOHWHY. SO EARLY ELKRJFSDAJSDKFJSADASD.

it isn't a job, its a life-stealer. it's stealing your life. it's stealing you. and if you don't care, i certainly do. you're not supposed to work like 15++ hours one shot, 7 days a week and only get paid a flat rate of absolute peanuts, that's just crazy. no matter what line of work it is.

NO MORE P PLATE!

whoa fuck i've had my license for A WHOLE DAMN YEAR.

and still, NO DAMN CAR.

WHY.

suck balls

Terence is driving his mum's car around, Jules is doing that now but next month his Vios Sports comes in and he'll have his own car. OWN CAR. and they all passed like what, three months ago tops.

What's wrong with this picture here!!! Where's my car!

knn.

supermultitasking

there's a tit in the tit le. whoops i mean title.

god I'm so bored. I'm watching BBC on tv, sms-ing, talking on msn, surfing the web and listening to KISS (Gene Simmons pelvic thrust!) in the office. I'm trying to look busy and damnn I look it. But I'm really not.

Shh.

I'm bringing Freddie to the office every day. With the iTunes I downloaded into my office PC and some luck I'll manage to listen to every song in him before I go back to school. Probably won't happen though.

I say:
in my wallet i have 20$ and in my bank i have 27$

I say:
FUCK THATS 47$ IN TOTAL

I say:
siao liao already


I thought I was bad. But you know, anytime you think you're in the pits there's always someone worse off than you.


Chingy says:
wa you rich shit i have $6 in my wallet and $1. something in my bank


pwnd.

if there's one feature that would seduce me over to the iPhone side of life, it's the sms chat-like layout.

sometimes

i keep everything bottled up inside me im afraid i might implode. lately i've been experiencing the same feeling of dread lining my stomach, like lead weighing it down. though it's a psychological thing, i can feel it physically. and for similar reasons.

i think sometimes i care/ love you too much for my own good. you don't seem to appreciate it much/ care and it only serves to hurt me. i should try caring less. i wonder if you'll notice/ care?
btw there's a severe overuse of the word "care" in this post.

oh yeah and last night the guard at my place called Julius "little boy".

Something along the lines of "little boy, now its early you have to park your car in the visitors lots not in the corner or people will complain." (my apartment block is full of bitches)

I was quite stunned, yet amused too. But I still cannot stand this guard. Should run him down withe the beng guy's Nissan GTR that he recently acquired. The beng acquired, not the guard.

ok got to run the little boy is outside.

devil may care

So Anwar's win was 66.6%, does that bring back memories of how the PAP won 66.6% of votes too? Something's up here, someone's struck deals with devils maybe?

Not that I give a flying fuck about politics - Malaysia's especially, but after having to read up on it on Monday and spend Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday looking for guests to come onto the Point Blank current affairs show to talk about it, I do find a little humour in the 66.6% win. Oh well.

Tomorrow: another exciting day of... looking for more guests! sdfljksdfsdfjk. But you know, at least I'm actually doing something useful.. I guess.

I miss my old life. I miss being lazy and waking up early just to travel 45 minutes/ 20 minutes (depending on the mode of transportation) just to lie back down and sleep again. Waking up mid-afternoon and going shopping for dinner, then cooking with jules.
I miss wearing shorts and my Sperry Topsiders and being slackcore to the maxz0rzzzzzz. (Note: don't confuse slack with sloppy.) Though I don't mind dressing up a bit more for work.

And at least work starts pretty late. And SPH is near my house.

Ok ok. I'm rambling. But I do kinda wish i hadn't opened my big mouth and asked to start early.

I guess it could be worse.


Shit the antivirus I'm downloading to fix the glitch in my phone (according to Chingy anyway) just terminated!! CRAP now I have to re-download it and it takes AGESSSSS. fuckity fuck!

BY THE WAY Charles gave me the best soundbite on Saturday evening. We were walking in Zara, when suddenly he stopped and declared: "I realise that new shoes make you happy!" Then he bounced a bit on his $65 pointy white River Island sneakers.
He walks real carefully when it rains now. Don't want dirty puddles messing up $65 pointy white sneakers now do we.

you know how i said i was scared it'd happen? well, i don't like saying i told you so, but......

i'm much too young to feel this damn old.

druggie

backache, weird allergic rashes and headaches that feel like someone is sticking long needles into my head (not in a good way either) it seems like lately I've been living on medicinal drugs.

why do i always seem to fuck things up? i guess i'm a horrible person, but i'm really trying, for you.

zoukoutttt

i just gave up 13$/hour working for zoukout. $__$

but damnnn im not working on my birthday.

Please

Do you think of me
as often
as I think
of you?

-Richard Brautigan

Realisation of the Century

the manbearpig. half man, half bear and half pig says (10:54 PM):
i just realised im quite the jew

why are some people so hyper sensitive and ultra irrational? it doesn't make sense when you have double standards. you're always right, and i'm always that shit faced fucker that screws everything up, at least, to you.
that said, i guess i already know you're always like this, so why do i always get so upset when you prove it time and time again? i wish i had a more normal relationship with my maternal figure of authority.

i wish i was financially independent so i could live on my own.

I'm such a bitch, but I can't stand it.

"It doesn't get more edgier than this"

nononon. Either:

"It doesn't get edgier than this"

or

"It doesn't get more edgy than this"


Come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn you may be broadcast but you're still under the Straits Times wing.
I better keep my mouth pretty much shut til I get a more firm foothold there or I'll be pretty badly snubbed, I think.


21.08
edit: Ming suggested "it doesn't get any edgier than than this"
The blurbs for the videos need to be re-written.

help help

i'm so fucking bored

it kinda really just fucking sucks when you've got half a month more til your P plate comes off, which means you've had your license for one whole year, and you're still taking the fucking public transport everywhere, while many others who passed like less than a month ago etc etc etc get their parents' cars to drive around as they wish.

nasi wahooo ji ba ban

I'm running out of space to put my shoes. Scrap that I Have run out of space for my shoes. My yummy yummy delicious shoes. sam nai, raid my shoe shelves. I need to get shelves and shelves running all around my wall for them, like store displays. Except all in my size and all mine. I need more more so much more money to buy.. more shoes!* I also want to go shopping I need clothes and a new job. The two are unrelated, but being a lifeguard is getting boring. Sure, it's fun at times but sitting somewhere or keeping a close watch or both for 8 hours is boring. And the pay's not that awesome either. Singapore lifeguards get shit pay. Seriously. I spent an exorbitant amount on chanel blue satin today. It's not my fault, I've been looking for it and it's such a nice shade. I think my brain is wandering way too much for its own good. My uncle bought another car recently, it's an old Mercedes model and I suspect it's the one I like. I've yet to see it though. Why couldn't he just buy me a car he's got the cash lying around. He's got three cars ok if my cousin drives one and he drives one there's still one left out in the cold. That should be mine I'll drive it every day and even take it to the car wash once in a while. This post is too disjointed and ramble-ly for its own good. Good thats what my mind feels like now. Lots of things running round and around and around. I refuse to paragraph this post. I almost didn't want to punctuate it either but that would just annoy me I'm a sucker for English as it's to be done. Properly. I don't know what the point of this post is, I'm just super bored and no one's talking to me. So I'm talking to myself, in my little corner of cyberspace where I'm allowed to babble to myself. I'm wearing new shoes on my bed. The soles are clean. My soul isn't really clean but it's not a bad thing. If you've read til here you must be either really bored, or love me. Or something like that.

*Right before that I'd buy something for my boy. Many, many things.

pillow talk

this is the reason I make myself return home time after time.

the reason I never want to return home can be found two posts before.

classic rock
soft rock
punk rock
80's hard rock

led zeppelin
john mayer
green day
aerosmith/ gnr


www.razor.tv watch out for me.

3rd august

♥

louboutin

this is real cool. however i would have to grow my nails real long first, or paint fake ones and stick them on. and i dislike long nails as they are tres problematique, ne c'est pas?

also, i would have to find other colours as i don't own any black nail polish. what a shock, for some people.

muahahaha.

Just because I know how to have fun doesn't mean I'm a slut.
Just because I can hold my drink doesn't make me an alcoholic.
Just because my life is different from yours doesn't make me abnormal.
Just because you're going to go through menopause and you're getting OLD doesn't mean everyone has to stay at home and fucking rot with you.
Sometimes you confuse normal with boring.

It's time to wake up wake up wake up and smell the shit.

It's the twenty-first fucking century.

I don't know whether to be angry or sad. Probably a little of both.


Most likely a lot of both.

I don't know what is wrong with me lately. States of near-euphoria clash with borderline depression. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.

I think I'm way too bored for my own good.

Plus, I feel like a big loser with absolutely no life.

all killer no filler

I've not bought shoes for so long I have this insane urge to go buy like three pairs NOWWWWWW. Except, at more than 150$ per pair (let's not even mention the 1k shoes I would love to buy) I sadly cannot even afford one pair. Well, I can, but then I'll not be eating or going out for the next month or something.
My paycheck sucks now I guess I've only got myself to blame but somehow I can't find the motivation to work anymore. And to think when I first started work, my paychecks ranged from 350$ to 500$ easily!

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

3am disjointed.

I feel like crying now, and I don't know why.

I've felt like it since mid-afternoon.

I wish I could look at the big picture, but I'm selfish and stupid.

I think I went to school for absolutely nothing today.

I had a lot of things I wanted to say before I opened blogger and now nothing wants to come out.

Sometimes all I want to do is cry on someone's shoulder.

Too bad my dog doesn't have shoulders.

I think the only reason I come home sometimes is because of my dog.

There's work at 8:30am and I can't sleep.

It's a physically impossible feeling, but right now my heart is an aching, painful dead weight.

I don't know what to do with myself.

My life is a drag sometimes.

What life?

Sometimes I feel so blergh I could just kill myself.

3am.

the best ad ever.

Writing for the Media Graded Assignment #3.
30s Radio Advertisement

Chingy <3 HONDA CIVIC HYBRID:
"Voice1: Race you with my car.
Voice2: what model?
Voice1:HONDA CIVIC HYBRID.
Voice2:knn siao eh no need petrol lim peh bo hua."

Use By, Best Before:

Sometimes I feel like there's an expiration date on everything in my life.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

(and if you're thinking I'm quoting that Simple Plan song think again, they stole it from me, the fuckers.)

Over the past few days I've encountered a few instances and situations in which my image has played to my detriment.
I could elaborate and explain myself here, but I'm pretty tired and my mind is otherwise occupied, and it really doesn't matter anyway.

I just wonder. Would people be different towards me if I looked different/ changed my image - just the way I look, and not anything else?
Would people like me more? The same? Less? Would I still be with the same people, same friends?

i hate my life. its insanely boring and i barely have any life anyway.

Thank you, Frankie Chee

Finally, someone has addressed the problem of Singaporeans' disgusting dress-sense publicly, in this case, with a two page article complete with pictures and sound bites.

Sadly, I completely agree with the author that while dressing sloppily is, well, horrendeous and disrespectful to certain places, and even though there were pictures and quotes showing how apathetic Singaporeans are about dressing up, enough to spark shame in me (though I am hardly a sloppy dresser - I think) I also agree when he says that this "trend" probably won't change for a long time, if at all.

I could go on and on about Singaporeans and how they dress, but why bother? I'll only get irked and it won't matter anyway.

when you're so bored and you start to get random

I've just noticed something while stoning on my bed looking at my Rubik's cube. Some of the little cubes that make up the Rubik's cube only have one coloured side, some have two coloured sides, whereas some have three.
And the ones that have three coloured sides are at the corners, and are always only at the corners, while the ones with the two colours are always in-between, and the ones with the one coloured side are always in the middle of one of the faces of the big cube.
And these one, two and three coloured little cubes will never change position. Location, yes, when you move them around the cube, but the one-coloured cubes will always be in the middle, the two-coloured, always in-between, and the three coloured always at the edges.

Does that make sense? Can you see it in your head now?


I don't know if what I've stumbled upon is part of the key to solving the Rubik's cube.
Part of me thinks it actually is, and another part of me thinks I should move off my bed and get a life.

Kyle Cook

here

king-sized withdrawal symptoms

I am having severe withdrawal symptoms for this huge, wonderful, firm king-sized bed ):

noooooooooooooooo

plop

bameister. The Amazing Adventures of Bameister and Nic Jager! says (2:13 AM):
got one guy also
bameister. The Amazing Adventures of Bameister and Nic Jager! says (2:13 AM):
a lot of times at assembly
bameister. The Amazing Adventures of Bameister and Nic Jager! says (2:13 AM):
he faint
bameister. The Amazing Adventures of Bameister and Nic Jager! says (2:13 AM):
damn funny
bameister. The Amazing Adventures of Bameister and Nic Jager! says (2:13 AM):
the fella quite fat also
bameister. The Amazing Adventures of Bameister and Nic Jager! says (2:13 AM):
he faint
bameister. The Amazing Adventures of Bameister and Nic Jager! says (2:13 AM):
PLOP
bameister. The Amazing Adventures of Bameister and Nic Jager! says (2:13 AM):
fucking hilarious
bameister. The Amazing Adventures of Bameister and Nic Jager! says (2:14 AM):
the fella got weird ears also
bameister. The Amazing Adventures of Bameister and Nic Jager! says (2:14 AM):
like folded in
bameister. The Amazing Adventures of Bameister and Nic Jager! says (2:15 AM):
his class line up on the ground floor, mine on the 4th storey, so when he faint i got a nice view
bameister. The Amazing Adventures of Bameister and Nic Jager! says (2:15 AM):
hahahaha

derob

I'm so bored now, and as usual my mind thinks too much.

Things are just so trivial, aren't they?
Yet, insignificant as they are, they never cease to make an impact, do they?

Don't answer rhetorical questions.


I'm so bored I could die. I hate being at home. or do I hate being alone? or lonely?


I had a dream a couple of nights ago and it makes me think I'm not doing quite as well as I thought I was.

Kaka

sexy Armani model! his shots from Fall 2006 are phworrrr. then again he always is! he looks good on the soccer field with his shorts (oooo) and as a model he is soooo babble babble blah blah babbleee

I am such a fangirl.

Random grumble.

You know, I hate it when I say I don't like something, and someone else goes "oh but its so nice!!"

For instance, seafood. I don't like seafood. I don't at all. I probably eat like salmon and tuna once in a blue moon and that's about it.

However, when I refuse some seafood (be it fish, prawns, scallops etc) because I don't like it, someone is bound to say "Oh, but it's delicious! Why don't you like it! It's yummy! It's prepared in a special way!" Then give me a stare like I'm some sort of freak.

Yes it may be delicious I'm sure it is. But I just don't like it! Same goes for.. I don't know. Anything else I guess. Colours, food, music genres, blah blah blah.

I don't know where this rant is going or where it came from it just popped into my head as something that rather ticks me off.

I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

new old school

Motley Crue have a new album
Def Leppard have a new album (and its not bad!)
Judas Priest have a new album
Ratt is releasing a new one soon

I smell a revival. Or they just all need the money.


by the way in view of Russia defeating Holland (sdkljfdkjfdjk!!!) a couple of days ago, I am boycotting vodka for a month. Take that, Russians!

they owe me 50$ but well.
angry. lets call Holland and complain!

sheeit

WHY did you have to lose to Russia?? Russia?!!

I feel so

R E S T L E S S

I got my hair cut shorter today. Thing is, I think I still look the same.

you know,

there are so many things I'd like to share with you, about my day, my school work and how it stresses me (or not), about my upcoming internship, about stupid things that might have happened at work or at home, silly things my dog did, the euro cup and how I made a bet with a bookie through a friend's friend on Holland (shit they better win by one or two goals!)... about my life in general.
and I want to hear about yours too.

except, well,

Pinky-swear promised Mun that the first time I smoke shisha will be with her.

And you thought air guitar-ing was bad enough.

2005

These were the three people who made secondary school bearable for me.
I still remember when we took these; we'd cut mass-study-session in the school hall and hid in the classroom til the coast was clear. Then we used the timer on my camera and ran back into class before anyone saw us.

bo red

i am so goddamn bored. so fucking goddamn bored. somebody call me and ask me to go out NOW. i will i swear. rawr!!!!


kaninabuchaocheebyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

there are a million gazillion movies to watch in my hard disk and a myriad of other things to do and i have no mood to do anything. blergh.

I'm home on a Saturday night.

Can you spell l-o-s-e-r?


Reading the paper today, I realise I want to die so everyone will say nice things about me.

What It Takes

There goes my old girlfriend
There's another diamond ring
And a all those late night promises
I guess they don't mean a thing
So baby, what's the story
Did you find another man
Is it easy to sleep in the bed that we made
When you don't look back I guess
The feelings start to fade away
I used to feel your fire
But now it's cold inside
And you're back on the street
Like you didn't miss a beat, yeah

Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep
In the night, without thinkin' you lost
Everything that was good in your life
To the toss of the dice
Tell me what it takes to let you go

Girl, before I met you, I was F.I.N.E - fine
But your love made me a prisoner
Yeah, my heart's been doing time
You spent me up like money
Then you hung me out to dry
It was easy to keep all your lies in disguise
'Cause you had me in deep
With the devil in your eyes

(Chorus)

Tell me that you're happy that you're on your own
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Tell me that it's better when you're all alone
Tell me that your body doesn't miss my touch
Tell me that my lovin' didn't mean that much
Tell me you ain't dying
When you're cryin' for me

(Chorus)

Tell me who's to blame for thinkin' twice
'Cause i don't wanna burn in Paradise
Oh, let it go, let it go...

I don't wanna burn....

Lately my mind has been working overtime - a deviation from my normal random musings because lately, I've actually got something important to think about.
Sometimes, I think I can put everything behind me and move on.
Sometimes, I even believe it.
Yet there are times, sparked off by maybe a memory, or an action, or even some upcoming event, and I doubt myself again.
I wonder if you even feel all this too. I guess I'll never know.
Have you ever had the feeling where you put something behind you and you feel okay-set-ready-go, able to move on, continue with life as you know will eventually have to happen, but then everything comes crashing down and you want to just bury your head under your pillow and wait for time to rewind - even though you know it won't?
I've been on an emotional roller-coaster lately, though only when I'm alone does it grab me and forcibly take me on a turbulent ride.

Harley Davidson 2008 FLSTSB Cross Bones

I have found a new bike to lust after! ha ha. Part of Harley's Dark Custom line, this just became one of my favourite Harleys together with the Rocker and the Night Train. The Cross Bones is cooool cause it's so retro looking! Wow wow wow.

Base price: USD$16,795
Powertrain: Rigid-mount; fuel-injected; air-cooled; twin-cam 96B; push-rod-
operated overhead valves with hydraulic, self-adjusting lifters; two valves per cylinder; six-speed cruise drive.
Displacement: 96 cubic inches, or 1,584 cc
Maximum torque: 87.9 pound-feet at 2,750 rpm
Seat height: 30.2 inches (unladen)
Dry weight: 700 pounds
Claimed fuel economy: 35 mpg city, 54 mpg highway


More info here, here and more pictures! here

Virtual haircutttttttttttttttttttt wow

1. Plug in your earphones
2. Put them in your ears
3. Close your eyes
4. Listen to this

random thoughts galore

I was just thinking while at work yesterday - as I am wont do do with this job - many people whom I know have families falling apart due to deaths, divorce, arguments. Small petty things that amount to a lot, big things that hit hard and fast.
It made me think back to 2000, when we'd come back from Melbourne because of family problems - namely, one Anne Goh - home wrecker extraordinaire. Only a few people know the full story complete with details and colours but something I've noticed is the template is basically all the same.
One parent frolics around, the other one objects (naturally), arguments and fights ensure, children are affected and nothing is very much the same again.
I remember back then, my mother and I used to sit in my father's room and wait as the night got later and later and he never came back. I remember how there were two camps in the house: him, and us. I remember the shouting, the fights, the screaming and crying, from everyone. And then subsequently, he left.
Eight years on I can say while I don't condone anything that was done, over time I've slowly grown to accept it. As blasé as it sounds now, I can even laugh and joke about it - to some extent.
For what can we do really? If we let it eat away at us, continually fretting over it and letting it taint our lives, we will never be a happy (or happier) person, there will be a constant chip on our shoulders. Given time, all wounds do heal, even though it might presently seem impossible.

Q: have you seen a mullet with a mullet?

A: no cause fish don't have hair.



Look it's twice the length of my size 6 slipper!

mayday, mayday, we're going down.

It's almost the end of another month, and soon it'll be June. Half of the year gone already. And how different it is now from the start of the year. In January, I could not for a moment have imagined that things would be like this. And now, I'm living it. Day by day.Sometimes I think I want it all back. Everything from the past 6 or 7 months. But you don't seem to want to do anything about it, and I'm hanging. I still have little threads of hope.
How things change, regardless of whether you want them to, or not.

in one minute i would have been awake for exactly 24 hours.











i am hungry.

toocoolforschool

This is part of our final-year-project StrengthWeaknessesOppotunitiesThreats analysis. Weakness refers to the negative points within our group/ organisation. Whatever typed under Weaknesses is completely true.
click to enlarge and watch us own ourselves.



Playing daidee


or reading cue cards?

It's fun to play with super "king sized" cards (especially for those with poor/ aging eyesight ha ha) but you'd better not lose 'cause shuffling and dealing the cards is a bitch.

Everlong

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when





sigh I'm so confused and I don't know what to do.

wowyaywow!

hello friends i finally have my new sexy phone!!
:D

want this moleskine. thank you very much.

hahaha.

then again i'd be too protective of it and probably won't use it.

random words constantly circling my head somehow form disjointed sentences

whenever you said you'd shortchanged me, i made up excuses in my head for you. i tried to tell myself, you knew what was wrong, and you'd change. we'd work things out.
it happened once. it happened twice, and yet, i still tried. sometimes, i still try. yet the times i try and successfully believe myself are becoming few, and far between. my mind is messed up beyond comprehension as i try to sort things out and compartmentalize things to keep some order.
i still think of times we spent and things we did. but now, instead of thinking of them with longing i think i shroud them in a fond aura and say 'oh, those were nice times.' sometimes, i still miss you like crazy, and everything we had. sometimes.
because, while i still have feelings for you, the old cliche that time heals rings true, and if you don't do anything soon they will modify themselves into a dull ache, then..
even though things may never be like they were again, don't you feel you at least owe me an explanation? i'm not asking for much more. i don't think i ever asked for much from you. maybe this sounds selfish but i think i really did a lot more for you than you did for me. not that i minded. just that, yes, come to think about it, i have been shortchanged. and that sucks.

so does being sick.

paddle pop

This week I tried to change profession.




I tried cigarette peddling on Tuesday
(and a car actually stopped but I got humji and ran back into school)



On Thursday the cigarette cartel I worked for got busted and I was left peddling tissues outside the school gate.



Then today my lucked changed when I joined an international smuggling ring and I tried peddling phones for a change.



Aza Mervyn and I also tried our hand at being scientists because Russia is recruiting, and looked for rocket fuel in cigarettes but we didn't find any.







I should just stay in school.

goodbye, and thank you

for everything. it was great, fulfilling, nice.

no matter what i do, im never good enough for you. no matter how hard i try, im not good enough. no matter how i try to explain myself, you never want to listen. even though you say you always will. there's either something seriously wrong with me, or you. two people can't be so fucked up at once.

happy second sunday in may.

the ship's rebuilt, albeit a little creaky, and ahoy mates we're ready to set sail again.

enough analogies I hope that this works out. I can do all I can, put in one hundred and ten percent, it just comes down to. you.
curtisliau, i love you so fucking much and i'd do so many things for you. you felt the same way once. i just wish i knew if you still did.

analogically speaking

To use an analogy, right now feels like trying to swim up to the surface of a very deep pool of water. You don't know whether you'll run out of air and die, sinking back to the depths, or whether you'll make it up, break through and breathe sweet air again.

who says med students are square and boring?

Goodbye, K-house
Farewell Prof Khoo
Since we entered here we've been fucked around by you
Dinner was a failure
Breakfast was a fuss
And you can take your stethoscope and shove it up your arse.

how misguided

Do you really believe that shouting, screaming, physical, mental and emotional abuse is going to help? Do you think by making threats and giving me ultimatums you're going to solve things and have everything go your way? Maybe, if you paint yourself as the victim, poor, pitiful, martyr-like, you'll win?

Newsflash: It just makes me resent you even more.

Sometimes, you make me so fucking angry my hands shake continuously, and I feel like bashing your snide, sniveling face right in.

God help me.

car crash train wreck don't worry son i've got your back

I'm in the saddest frames of mind right now. Maybe sad isn't the word. depressed, demoralised, put down, low, low, low. I can't even think of similar words that better describe how I feel. I FEEL LIKE CRAP, to put it bluntly/crudely.

There's only a short list of suspects who have such talent to continually make me feel this way - very short. And guess who it is this time?
I am not a slut, a bitch, a whore, a fucker etc etc etc. Use those adjectives(?) combine them creatively with each other and in sentences to get additional variety for bonus points.

Grow a brain and some common sense and shed your stupid old fashioned ways. Yes, you may be open and lenient - or rather you may swear up and down that you're not old fashioned and you and your co-conspirator are probably la creme de la creme of your kind because you're both sooo 'open-minded' - but HELLO YOUR MIND IS STILL LIVING IN THE WRONG CENTURY GET OUT OF IT GET OUT GET OUT.

What's wrong about it? What is so wrong? It's one of the very few highlights of my week, thankyouverymuch.

Does it hurt you? no
Does it cause you pain? no
Does it make you lose money? no
Does it make you lose blood? no
Does it make the house fall down? no
Does it make the economy bad? no
Does it divert a meteor and we're all going to die in 2010? no

So what the fuck is so wrong about staying out/staying over at somewhere else other than my house?
You know I can see through your methods of psychological warfare, but then why does it still make me feel so shitty about myself?

And I know reverse psychology when I see it. Yes, I've "got a bright future". Yes I can "go very far" but because of the way I am I will probably "self-destruct"?

So this is meant to make me 'change' for you and have a nice bright shiny future? All for my own good? If so, then you'd have won because of your reverse tactic. If I say fuck it and purposely self-destruct, then all you have to do is sit back and say "I told you so".

I'm caught between the devil who lives in a hard place and rocks in the deep blue sea.

Some stupid china fucker has been shouting and shouting in the carpark for almost an hour.
If I had a gun I swear I could kill people in cold blood.


I am so jaded. and so sick of school too. two weeks of school so far and again i feel like running.

if happiness is a warm gun then the path to it is a full magazine with extra ammunition

when i scroll back and read words from months long past, i can't place a finger on the feeling. perhaps a bittersweet misery, or a wistfulness. a strange, poignant mish-mash of fragments. swirling thoughts clamouring for an answer, a phantom ache in somewhere that, technically, should not be able to hurt. confusion reigns, the future's as bright as you want it to be, and i want it blindingly so. help me.

the three evils of production

in no particular order:

1. children
2. old people
3. animals

lies I've told my 3 year old recently, by Raul Gutierrez

Random facts

`The longest word in th english language is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

`The only other word with the same number of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural form

`The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturi-

pukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwenuakitnatahu, a New Zealand hill.

`Useful to know: to escape the grip of a crocodile push your thumbs in its eye sockets- it will let go instantly

`A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually

`23% of all photocopying faults worldwide are caused by people sittng on them and copying their buttocks

`cats have over 100 vocal sounds while dogs have 10

`all porcupines float in water

`Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula". And can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, "L.A."

In ancient England a person ! could not have sex unless you had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family).
When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King, the King gave them a placard that 
they hung on their door while they were having sex.
The placard had F.*.*.*. (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it. Now you know where that came from. 

i've had an awesome 27.5 hours(:


and next monday is school. biiiiiiiiiiiig blergh!

How

do you tell someone you hate a certain thing that they do, that when they do it, or go somewhere it just eats at you and makes you worrid and paranoid and sad and depressed and it makes your life hell to think about it?
for instance,
i hate it when you go clubbing but i guess even though i'm your girlfriend i can't say anything? because it's your life and you have every right to do what you want? I wish though that sometimes I was more important to you and my opinions, fears and worries mattered more to you.

i wish i could say it to your face sometimes. and when i do, that you cared that i said it and shared how i feel with you, instead of getting annoyed.

New Car Smell

Hello meet Arnold, he's brand spanking new and smells sexyyy.
I wish he was solely mine but for now I shall be content with driving him while out on errands.

game

RULE 1: You are playing The Game.
RULE 2: Whenever you think about The Game, you lose.
RULE 3: Loss must be announced.

i have lost the game
i have lost the game
i have lost the game
now you have too.

Go read the website it is totally mind-boggling and I have lost without knowing that I was playing in which case I could not have lost however according to the rules I HAVE lost but I don't know what is happening how can I think about the game when I don't know what the game is but I guess that thought would have meant I thought about the game which constitutes to having lost the game of which I didn't even know I was playing in the first place.

this is what happens when I get sososososooooooo bored if you're bored too go play
THE GAME
and instantly lose! Visit the sight lah, and see what I'm babbling about because I've nothing better to do.

ha ha ha.

Karma has bitten you in the butt. What goes around comes around!

.

Have I mentioned that when I'm exceedingly bored and I can't find anything else better to do I start reading my old blog? And the saddening thing is even though a good bit of the posts in the last few months of that blog are extremely emo-schemo, I am (sad to say?) actually rather impressed with the writing. (Yes emo though it may be. It's like Dashboard combined with A7X and old school Sunny Day Real Estate)
That blog brings back lots of memories. Nostalgia, next stop. Hell, the first post was in Feb. 2005, that has to count for something.

Has anyone wondered

-Where's Wally?

where is LHL at this crucial time?

someone's been real quiet, really really quiet. No statement to issue?
oh wait, it's just a small matter of a lame mat, no danger to society at allllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.

The NOTORIOUS M.A.S. claims a victim!

(though not in the way you'd think)

this report is way too funny, I actually giggled while reading it. Poor Bangladashi guy.

How annoying

Selamat petang!
(good evening)
(what were you thinking?)

As usual, while I was at work today I had a lot of things I was thinking about, and I thought "ooh I want to write that down" but as always, I completely forgot what I wanted to say.

It probably had something to do with Mas Selamat, and how it's been more than a week and no one has seen hide nor hair of him, and oh well it's just way too bad but I believe that he's not going to be caught, and this whole incident will die down quietly and the gov will sweep the matter under the proverbial rug and sit on it, hard, and hope that no one mentions it again. I better stop here because if this blog is found while government corp. comm people are sifting through Singaporean blogs for signs of dissent within the community, I could be potentially sued for libel. Or is it slander? Oh dear my Media Law and Ethics knowledge has left me.

In other news today was so so sooo boring at work the only thing of interest happened at 6:43pm. There were a group of singhs at the opposite islet and three of them were having a race.

Contender one: Red turban, white singlet and rolled up blue jeans.
Contender two: Yellow turban, yellow tee-shirt (wow note the sartorial sense here) and blue pants
Contender three: turban-less. brown shirt and darker brown pants.

The three contestants were flagged off by Pastel-green turban (white shirt, khaki pants). They ran 25 metres, with Red turban pulling ahead early in the race.
All three slowed down to touch a big rock, the middle point of the race, then turned back for the final stretch.
Yellow turban was a few lengths ahead initially during the second leg but Red turban, in an impressive burst of speed, overtook him to become the victor.
Turban-less trailed behind all the way.
After the race Pastel-green turban could be sighted jogging along the beach. A hopeful contender for next years Race of the Day, perhaps?


Kay I'm just way too bored right now.
And fair-weather friends are bumming me out.

How Mas Selamat escaped the clutches of..

this is completely true, I swear.

-big-eyed-innocent-believe-me-stare-

sellsecretssecretly

there must be some sign on my forehead that says "take me for granted."

THIS is the coolest umbrella ever. It says "shit, it's raining" in french and if anyone were to buy it for me I'll be your best friend til kingdom come. ha ha ha.

sometimes I just feel..

AIRSHOW123

- Royal Australian Air Force (RAAF)'s Aerobatics team, the Roulettes.


I went to the Singapore Air Show today, which was pretty amazing, and I'll put pictures up somewhere in cyberspace when my dad sends them to me.
For a trade day, it was jam packed with people, most of them spiffy delegates from other countries, though there were a few random aunties who seemed to make it a point to grab as many freebies as they could. No idea how they got the trade passes, must be an inside job!

I saw LKY at the Air Show today too, and I must say, he's pretty tall. My brother asked me why I didn't pop a cap in his white ass yo' but well I forgot to bring my tommy gun.

Another thing I noticed is that pilots are (well, a lot of them) are hot. Aviation's the way to go baby! ha ha ha.

Aside from that, I have to be a bitch and rant about this girl, who broke up a couple and stolen the guy. Which is just well a bitchy thing to do, and well, urgh. I'm not saying who, because I don't know them at all, but out of extreme boredom, blog hopping and late nights, I've gotten much of the picture. And it's just disgusting.

i swear, as you get older you get more and more lor sor. just shut the fucking hell up already, bitch.
SHUT
UP

so sue me, but..

I'm probably going to sound like a heartless fucker for saying this, but

get over it already!

Ah Meng is an orang utan, an ape. Not some great political leader, someone who brought about world peace or your mother. She died and that's sad but hey everything grows old and kicks it eventually (except Chuck Norris) that's the way the cookie crumbles mate.

What's all this total utter crap in the papers last Saturday and Sunday about how people cried in grief, beat their brows with heartbroken abandon and felt an icy grip around their heart when they heard that Ah Meng died?


So you took a photo with her when you were 2 years old.

So what!?


stupid stupid stupid.

"The name starts with an 'L' and has a 'Z' in it.”

OMG OMG OMG
screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeammmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Led Zep Led Zeppppppppppeeeeeeelinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn please please come to Singapore.
I'll name my first born after you, so he'll (or the unfortunate she'll) be something like Robert Jimmy John-Paul John-Jason* -insert last name here-
*John-Jason as in John and Jason Bonham.

ha ha ha.

Despite earlier announcements that the band won't tour or play anymore after their O2 concert, The Cult's singer dropped a majorbigbig hint - and I did read something that quoted Jimmy Page as saying if they did tour, it'd have to be after September 08 as Robert Plant is touring with Alison Krauss.

Cross fingers cross toes cross eyes and everything else.

Shit it's time to start saving some major money.

psychobabble-schmabble

After going through 2/3s of what I intend to study for PRMP, I've realised that the notes are just, well, psychobabble bullshit.
Sorry, I know it took time and effort to put all the notes/ slides/ whatever together, but hey, I realised (after taking everything apart and dissecting it - because I REALLY could not understand stuff when I read it through the first time) that it's a whole lot of common sense, neatly packaged and taped into a package with lots of extra words and extravagant phrasing.

Cut the crap this is in need of some real good ol' Rajan-style, special delta-team-black-forces editing.

I was also wondering, who the hell uses this kind of extremely long-winded-dressy-pretentious kind of language (especially in relation to PR and the like) and lo and behold, when I read the newspaper today, I realised.

The sg government does.

Hooray, now we can never ever get out of this fake-o oh-look-i'm-la-di-da-cause-i-use-psychobabble-that-
you-have-to-read-more-than-once-to-understand frame of mind.

I'm in the slightest of bitchy moods today.

The nagging ache in my teeth tells me I really should be studying.

I think I've reached a new stage in procrastination, the stage of physical-pain-resulting-from-activities-done-to-procrastinate.

Translate that to: Today instead of copying notes into a notebook (all the more to appear hardworking and to whittle down what I have to actually study while sitting on a tower on the beach in the gay sun to minuscule amounts) I watched three movies on my laptop while lying stomach-down-face-down on my bed, which resulted in my chin pressing against my pillow.
The result? My jaw and teeth hurt like how they'd feel if I continually clenched my jaw.

Well done, so soooo smart. Maybe this'll teach me (no it won't).


In other news today I got super-owned-super-badly.
Last Wednesday Terence, Chen Yan and I received a message from a friend/ classmate saying that there would be specialist diploma Directing the Camera class on Monday, 9 to 5pm.
Natural reasoning would reckon that the class would be today.
However when I was outside the DMS at 9:14am (yes I got caught in traffic again) it was E-M-P-T-Y. A few phone calls to various people solved the problem and I've come to realise that no one really cares about me, and CY and T much.

bummer.



oh well, shove it.

the repercussions of not studying.

Serve me right for surfing randomly on the internet instead of studying.

I chanced upon the website for Melbourne's Queen Victoria Market, where as a kid in Australia I spent hours wandering around with my mum and brother, and now I really wanna go back and take a look at Victoria again.

I may cry (I will), it'll look all different (hey I've not been there for ten years, almost), the people will be all different, but in a way, it's still home.

And I can visit Gillian too.

I feel the slightest tinge of blue now.

I realise that my blog is less a blow-by-blow account of what happens in my day/ week/ month/ etc and more like a central depositary for random thoughts, bits of information and occasionally, pictures.

Having said that, the last two posts mean a lot to me.

I don't think I could even blog like most people do.
For instance:

"today i woke up early went to work. work was boring and it was hot. i went for lunch and changed to siloso beach from tanjong and then it rained. finished work at 4.30pm went to vivo with curt wandered around for a bit then met my parents for dinner blah blah blah blah and an alien spaceship landed and beamed up a goat from a neighbouring field."

You get the picture. Booooooring!


I will however, tell you that on Friday night my scheme-y dog stole my bar of dark chocolate toblerone and ate the wholefuckingthing. Foil and cardboard packaging included!

We brought him to the vet (as chocolate is harmful to dogs and can kill) and they induced vomiting and put him on an IV drip overnight.
150$ and two days later, Kaiya is all fine and good.


Stupid dog ate my dark chocolate toblerone.

And here I go,
letting go.
Just to never let you go.
I'm so scared to feel so safe.

♥

Inside Out - Bryan Adams

the biggest lie you ever told - your deepest fear 'bout growin' old
the longest night you ever spent - the angriest letter you never sent
the boy you swore you'd never leave - the one you kissed on new years's eve
the sweetest dream you had last night -- your darkest hour, your hardest fight

the saddest song you ever heard - the most you said with just one word
the loneliest prayer you ever prayed - the truest vow you ever made
what makes you laugh, what makes you cry what makes you mad, what gets you by
you highest hight, your lowest low - these things I want to know I wanna know you - like I know myself
I'm waitin' for you - there ain't no one else
talk to me baby - scream and shout
I want to know you - inside out
I wanna dig down deep - I wanna lose some sleep
I wanna scream and shout - I wanna know you inside out
I wanna take my time - I wanna know your mind
you know there ain't no doubt - I wanna know you inside out

revelation! (ha if only)

I just had the most wonderful thought.

What if, WHAT IF people only put on the weight of the food they ate?

Say, I eat a meal that weighs 300 grammes, and I put on 300 grammes.

That would be totally spectacularly awesome because then eating crap like chips and candy floss would be some of the least-fattening things.

Damn.